A few days ago, I was wondering how my parents always got me and my brother to discuss our every every (good, bad & ugly) with them. In recent times, I’ve observed that many a parent have failed in their responsibilities and a larger majority do not know their children as well as they ought to.
You say, “How do I know these?” My mum happens to be a teacher and when she tells me about certain things that go on in the school environment, one can easily tell that the home front is no longer what it was originally ordained to be.
With the economic situation of things in the world, the paramount thing on the mind of the average human is to amass as much wealth as they can in order to make ends meet. This is quite understandable but, what impression does it leave on the minds of our children?
Two Factors That Can Put Lifetime Strains on Parent-Child Relationship
- Perfectionism: A lot of us believe good parents always keep tidy homes. We want a picture-perfect house, so we get upset when our children turn things upsidedown. However, an obsession with neatness can result in missing precious moments and we unintentionally teach our children that things are more important than people, that keeping up appearances matters more than enjoying life together. A parent is supposed to be a guard over a child, not a correcting machine. The truth is, the house will be orderly sooner than you imagine, and quiet, and empty! So enjoy the spills, scrapes, noise, the laughter and the disarray. Let the scratches and dents on the furniture become memories of precious moments with little humans who’ll grow up feeling loved and important to you.
- Negligence: What you don’t make out time for will soon be oblivious to you. Let’s look at a short story about a little girl, for ease of our understanding, i’ve decided to call her ‘Betty’..feel free to insert any name you’ld have preferred☺.
Everyone was seated at the dining for supper that evening and Betty’s dad, on noticing her absence, inquired her whereabouts and was told that she had been busy all day with a homework that was due for submission at school the following day. Curious about the nature of the homework that could have kept her from having her meal, he smiled and proceeded to go see things for himself. He carefully walked into her room in an effort to not distract her and when he asked her what the homework was about, she said “dad, we were taught the roles of family members at school today and our teacher has asked us to draw a family tree and indicate the role(s) of anyone we represent on the diagram”. On a closer observation of her drawing, he realised she hadn’t included him in her tree diagram, he asked her why he was missing in it and just like the innocent child that she was, she replied “but, daddy you’re never at home and I don’t know what to write about your roles”. This left him torn, because apart from her two brothers and her mother, she had also included the cook, the chauffeur and even the gatekeeper in her tree diagram.
Damages That Can Result from Strained Parent-Child Relationship
- Low self esteem
- Maladjustment into the larger society
- Lack of self worth
- False and imaginary perspectives of life
- People-pleasing attitudes
- Harsh judgements of themselves and those in their circle
- Fear of self discovery
- *please add any other one in the comment box*
How We Can Make Things Better
- Resist the temptation to compare them with their peers.
- Don’t be out to correct every single thing they do, often times they’re only trying to show you how creative they can get.
- Give them credit for every good thing they do, even something as small as returning your shoes to the rack after you get back from work. Don’t wait till they get a distinction at school.
- Include them in your plan, a Saturday with the family hurts no one.
- Give them the chance to be themselves around you because if you don’t, they’ll find friends who will.
- Let them write on your favorite shirt with their crayons if it makes them feel loved. It’ll only remind you of them when they are not there and hey! you can always get a better shirt any day, but a sad and unloved child can ruin you forever.
So how will you be spending the remaining part of today?…Would you be running off to watch Champions and Premier leagues or would you rather be in the company of the people who make your world spin?
Choose your battles carefully and as always, your opinion is welcome, please leave a comment.